Archive for the ‘Funny Stories’ Category

The life cycle…joy and sorrow.

Saturday, July 17th, 2010

As a practitioner, I hear lots of people’s stories and essentially go through their life with them. Just recently, I am reminded that the circle of life can be so great and yet also be so devastating. Joy and sorrow are part of everyone’s life circle but man….sometimes the sorrow part really stinks!  Let me tell you why I am in this philosophical funky mood.

For the past months, I have watched someone I know prepare for her wedding. It has been exciting, stressful, and wonderful for her all at the same time. She is young, and ready to conquer the world so her energy is unbounding. Her answer to all the stress is “GOD IS LOVE, LOVE is the ONLY WAY”  I love that!  I hope she never gets cheated on, lied to, pissed off, or otherwise “LOVE STINKS”-ed.  Ha! Anyway, her journey through love to marriage is fantastic and I can’t wait to attend her wedding this weekend and send her off to LOVERS LAND. God Bless her.

The flip side of LOVERS LAND is LOVE IS DOOMED LAND and LOVE SUCKS land. This is the other part of the circle I have been witnessing lately. When women who are close to you realize their partners are not faithful or not honest. The heart crushing pain that comes with wading through lies and truth. What the F$$&  were these penis endowed people thinking????  I mean, if your marriage sucks so bad that you want to horizontal mambo someone else, then for God’s sake TELL your wife before you cheat!  I have witnessed two of my gals become angry, jaded, sad, depressed, and energy-less just in the recent months. Yes, maybe they will heal and perhaps even repair their marriage but maybe not…..Trust is broken and trust cannot be earned back. Yikes! This part of the life circle really is sad to watch or even think about.  I know the ladies will survive and come out even stronger than before…..until then hang on for the ride.

I know I am venting today but really just in that kind of mood. The sun is coming in my window and my coffee tastes good. My life circle is actually circle shaped and not a pear or abstract figure right now so I feel good……………I hope your circle is a circle and if it is not, it will be someday. Remember that happiness and health go hand in hand. Stress kills…literally.  Be positive, put out there what you want, and LIVE.

Love and hope….Dr.GB

Posted in Funny Stories, Soapbox, Wellness | No Comments yet, your thoughts are welcome »

Everyone is entitled to their opinion….except the ignorant.

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

I am so sick of people claiming that the “hcg diet” is dangerous and unhealthy. Usually the person claiming this is ignorant on the subject and perhaps jealous of the results. Even our local health club is doing a community talk on “the danger of hcg and rapid weight loss”. Cracks me up…this is the same club that wants you to pay $50-100 per month to jog on their treadmill but stop for a bagel on the way out….I guess it keeps you coming back!  Forgive me, I am a sarcastic bitch sometimes….I am all for exercise but come on PEOPLE!

The hcg diet is NOT dangerous for most people. At my office, we medically screen potential clients to make sure they can do the diet.  There are some people that can NOT do the diet and some people need help with drug management over the course of the diet. The diet is only 6 weeks long…not months and months like some think. In six weeks no one in America is going to die from malnutrition…remember you are eating your own fat for nutrition (that is what the hormone hcg does for us).  I guess religious fasts of 20-40 days are socially acceptable but a medical weight loss program causes huge controversy.

Someone recently said “hcg caused a bladder infection in my friend”. I say BULLSHIT to that….dehydration causes 90% of urinary tract infections and if she wasn’t drinking enough water she probably caused the infection all by herself. Coincidence. Coincidence. I did tell this person that sex causes UTIs too…so maybe we shouldn’t have sex either????? Come ON!

The hormone hcg is present in the 100,000’s in pregnant women…injecting 200 iu/day is a pinprick amount compared to that. In fact, the more times you are pregnant the lower your risk of breast cancer. Now I guess I could say that hcg lowers cancer risk…I am not going to say that but these are the claims that get made for or against drugs/programs/vitamins/herbs etc…

With about 3000 people through our HCG program (I did it way before the FAD hit) we have had no serious medical problems. In fact, we have had hundreds of medical miracles…people go off of blood pressure medications, migraines go away, blood sugar stabilizes, rashes go away and hundreds of other maladies disappear.  If you can convince people that what they eat matters and directly causes disease and health issues then we have succeeded…no matter how many pounds they lost.

I do hate the fact that people do the program and then gain their weight back and then want to do it again. These people irk me. I want people to change how they eat forever….be thinner forever, be healthier forever. I love the lifelong success the program can jump start in folks. I have over 1000 testimonials I could share and they are the above folks…they lost 30-100lbs on the program and are now LIVING life and maintaining their healthy new self. Love you!  When people say “hcg didn’t work for me” I think they meant to say “I didn’t work while doing the hcg”.  If you want to do the program do it right, don’t waste your time or money. Agh!

So enough of my verbal diarrhea…I hope you get the idea. HCG is a great jumpstart to a healthy new life and anyone who says differently is ignorant or makes money prescribing drugs and seeing sick, fat people. Good luck!!!!!!!

rgds,

dr.gb

Posted in Funny Stories, Soapbox, Uncategorized, Weight Loss | 2 Comments »

Keep your PRIVATE PARTS healthy!

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

I see alot of perimenopausal and menopausal women…This crowd tends to complain about dry vaginas alot (guys, if you are reading this it is bc your partner probably can’t even have sex due to the pain!). A dry vagina is like saran wrap held taught…one tiny tear and the whole thing rips in half. OUCH!  Another complaint is that of chronic yeast infections or itchy vagina (vaginitis)…this is in the same group of women or even young women.  How can we keep the down-unders healthy and moist??? Simple answer.

1. Estriol suppositories–the gentlest of the plant estrogens. Used nightly for 7-14 nights and then even 2-3 times per week feeds estrogen starved saran wrap tissue. It is 100% successful and is treating the cause of the problem to begin with. I DO NOT prescribe premerin or estrace cream for the same issue….synthetic estrogens are GROSS and scientifically WRONG. 

Find the suppositories in my online store…1 mg for mild issues, 2 mg for very dry VaJJ.

2. Fem Dophilus–good “flora” down there is a must to prevent infections. It keeps the areas ph healthy and fresh. You take 1-2 capsules per day of these GOOD bugs for the privates!  Find FemDophilus in my store.

3. Apple cider vinegar and water douches occasionally can balance the entire area. (use only once in awhile)

4. Use it or lose it….no explanation needed.

Dr.GB

Posted in Funny Stories, Soapbox, Uncategorized, Wellness | No Comments yet, your thoughts are welcome »

NEW gut problem post….gerd, diarrhea, bloating be damned!

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

Hey all! I just got back from a conference on GUT problems. I learned so much and hope to give you all the best pearls I heard.

1. Food allergies–almost all of us have some food sensitivities. Our CHEMICAL exposure in today’s world messes with the inside of our digestive system and creates food allergies. The most common food allergies are WHEAT, SOY, DAIRY (in that order). Try an elimination diet to see if you feel better not eating those foods. The website www.wholelifenutrition.comhas a free elimination diet plan and the author, Tom Maltere, is brilliant (I heard him speak this weekend). 

If you have any autoimmune disease, arthritis, digestive issues, MS, uveitis, skin rashes, etc…you most certainly have food allergies. Try the diet. I know I am GOING to do it!  Post your results.

2. Ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease–almost always are diagnosed incorrectly and sometimes folks get the wrong treatment then.

3. Urban renewal–Yes, that is what I said! You must get rid of the bad neighborhood (colon bad bugs) and replace with the beautiful good bugs and a healthy environment ….URBAN RENEWAL. Get rid of ‘da hood MAN!   Start with an elimination diet and add 50-100billion/bugs per day in the form of a GOOD, POTENT probiotic.  Kids need 6-20 billion/bugs per day. Do the probiotics for 30 days and your neighborhood should be SAFE again.

4.What you eat really matters…If it walks on the earth and grows from the earth EAT IT. If it doesn’t do either of those things, leave it on the shelf (in it’s box).

5. Celiac disease (gluten intolerance)–is very hard to diagnose. The only sure fire way is genetic testing combined with some other blood tests. The standard tTG/IGA tests are NOOOOO GOOOOOOD. Small bowel biopsy can even miss celiac!  Again, try the elimination diet and eliminate wheat for 30 days…you just might feel better.

Enough for one post….will post more later.

rgds,

dr.gb

Posted in Funny Stories, Uncategorized, Wellness | 2 Comments »

Difficulties of being a DOCTOR who gives a RIP.

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

OK…DR.Greenbean is on her soap box again.

I went into medicine to “help people” as I bet 99% of all new med school students do. I decided to really help people you have to listen to them, really hear them and their story. I became a naturopathic physician because naturopaths are trained to do this “listening” the best. I am very science-driven and don’t do anything to weird so I guess I am a green-allopath of sorts but one thing I do with every patient is give them the time to share their story and I listen. (my office visits are 45-90 minutes long)

I get very attached to my patients. We form friendships and a tight bond. That being said, my heart and soul are sometimes tested. When a patient ends up with a cancer, illness, or even a personal problem it causes my heart to ache and sometimes to second guess what I have done with them as a doctor. I try my best to prevent disease and illness in everyone I see but sometimes the path is already laid or genetics are a bitch.

I do a weight loss program (hcg diet) at my office that the general public can do without being a “patient” of mine. All they want is the quick weight loss solution and they couldn’t careless about prevention and health (not EVERYONE is like this). I am finding I can’t stand that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have managed to gain several FABULOUS patients who have done the hcg program and want to continue the journey to good health.

I guess what I am trying to say is that for a doc like myself to enjoy what they do and feel adequate we need good relationships with our patients. Our patients must WANT to heal and be healthy.  Getting to know my patients, their stories, their families, their dogs, their sex life etc…is the BEST part of my job. I care about YOU…please remember I am being the best DOCTOR I know how to be and that I still am an emotional bitch too!

rgds

Dr.GB

Posted in Funny Stories, Hormone Balance, Soapbox, Uncategorized, Weight Loss, Wellness | 1 Comment »

A 5 year olds perspective

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

My five year old daughter was taking a shower with her Dad last night. She told him that “coochies”  sure feel weird. She then asked him if he ever felt a coochie before….his reply “Not in a long time.”   Is that funny or what? My husband did say he was done taking showers with her.

Posted in Funny Stories | 2 Comments »

A list of HORMONES and their jobs…a very good list!

Sunday, May 17th, 2009

Hormones: what they mean and what they do

HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE – the growth hormone

  • Decreases body fat
  • Increases muscle mass
  • Improves tissue healing and protein synthesis
  • Increases bone density
  • Quicker illness recovery
  • Increases capacity to exercise
  • Increases skin hydration and elasticity
  • Improves sense of well being
  • Decreases incidence of illness

TESTOSTERONE – the male hormone

  • Improves brain function
  • Increases energy
  • Increases strength
  • Increases bone density
  • Increases libido
  • Improves sexual sensitivity
  • Improves sexual function
  • Improves HDL and LDL levels
  • Improves cardiovascular health

DHEA – the mother of hormones

  • Improves neurological function
  • Increases sense of well being
  • Improves immune function
  • Improves stress tolerance
  • Increases metabolism

ESTROGENS – the female hormone

  • Protects against heart disease, stroke
  • Decreases cholesterol
  • Lowers incidence of Alzheimer’s
  • Improves memory
  • Alleviates symptoms of menopause: headaches, mood swings, bloating, hot flashes, fatigue, waning libido

PROGESTERONE – the hormone of pregnancy

  • Protects against breast and uterine cancer
  • Protects against fibrocystic disease
  • Helps fat metabolism
  • Helps normalize blood sugar
  • Helps reverse osteoporosis
  • Helps thyroid hormone function
  • Acts as a natural antidepressant
  • Protects against nervousness
  • Protects against anxiety and irritability

PREGNENELONE – the gateway hormone

  • Promotes formation of other hormones
  • Repairs brain and nerve tissue
  • Enhances many brain functions
  • Reduces aging skin
  • Improves sense of well being
  • Increases energy and mobility
  • Improves sleep quality
  • Reduces harmful stress effects
  • Reduces aging brain deficiencies

THYROID – the hormone of metabolism

  • Increases energy
  • Increases fat burning, and controls weight
  • Increases your heart rate
  • Increases your appetite

INSULIN – the hormone of storage

  • Responsible for getting blood sugar into all cells
  • Increases fat storage
  • Increases risk of diabetes, hypertension and stroke

MELATONIN – the hormone of sleep

  • Responsible for maintaining sleep
  • Helps alleviate “jet-lag”
  • Improves one mood
  • Improves the immune system (by decreasing cortisol)

CORTISOL – the hormone of stress

  • Responsible for responding to stress
  • Helps protect you against your environment (allergens)
  • Mobilizes energy, improves fatigue
  • Increases your appetite for sugar
  • Decreases bone mass, muscle mass, and slows down your metabolism

Tags: adrenal fatigue, adrenals, bioidenticals, DHEA, estradiol, estriol, estrogen, hormone imbalance, hormone replacement therapy, Human growth hormone, menopause, perimenopause, progesterone, testosterone, thyroid
Posted in Funny Stories, Hormone Balance, Wellness | No Comments yet, your thoughts are welcome »

DR.GREENBEAN is ALIVE and WELL…the first blog!

Sunday, May 17th, 2009

I am sitting in the morning sun and typing my first blog for Dr.Greenbean.com….unusually I am at a loss for words. Actually it is not a loss, but a feeling of having too many thoughts to choose from for the first entry. I might as well just let her rip…..no time like the present.

With the state of the world as it is, I feel the need to share POWERFUL knowledge to keep people sane. I have practiced as a physician for 10+ years and become more frustrated at the medical community as I go along. We need to try to keep people healthy and center on wellness rather than hand out pills for symptoms and treat diseases as they show up. I HATE that mentality!  I mean, come on, if we prevented obesity we would prevent most heart disease and diabetes……..but instead we wait until people are “large Marges” and then treat with drugs to ward off death.

My site is designed to let people search the blog archives or the site and find their particular imbalances. There are products that can help each issue ailment listed or discussed. The products are pharmaceutical grade (you can’t just buy those at the store) and designed to help the body heal itself. Maybe together we can help your body back to balance and prevent disease down the road!

So if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired get your mind open and search the site for help. The only person that can help you is YOU!  Please check back daily for new entries as the site is brand new and will expand exponentially over the next few months.

GET OFF YOUR DUFF and LIVE!

RGDS–Dr.Greenbean

Posted in Adrenal Health, Funny Stories, Hormone Balance, Lastest Products, Soapbox, Weight Loss, Wellness | 2 Comments »